Why do some women get over, move past and proceed forward, quicker than others, after a divorce or breakup?
One can only move forward when they’re ready, and not because someone tells them to.
I admire people who seem to move forward with apparent ease, although I don’t necessarily understand how they do it. Just like I never understood how Sir Paul McCartney remarried, twice (or is it three times now?) after having being one half of one of the most romantic love stories in history.
Maybe this is how I want to remember it.
Sure I wanted him to be happy but what did it say about his love for Linda, that four years after she died, he quickly moved on. I know. We’re resilient. We’re capable of loving many. Yadi, yadi, yadi. Whatever. It still sucks.
There are those among us who have the capacity to fall in love over and over again, going from one relationship to the next, while some have never experienced even one true love. Why? How? That breaks my heart.
Maybe it’s me. Maybe I’m the only one that doesn’t get it. Am I naive? Probably. Maybe I’d rather believe in romance and passion, even if it’s delusional.
I understand that staying in the fetal position, cowering in the corner on the kitchen floor, after a break-up or divorce, isn’t the answer, but it’s also possible that all of this ‘moving forward’ hullabaloo can take an excruciatingly long time.
We are constantly being inundated with the notion that moving on is what must happen, and quickly. That somehow if you’re not over him or her and it, then there’s something mentally wrong with you.
I’m not advocating giving up and rotting in a corner like the month old sweet potato in my refrigerator, that I threw out this morning. Life goes on. We get up, we go about our business, we live, we love, we laugh. But what does it mean, (if anything at all) if we can’t (or don’t want to) disconnect completely?
While researching material for writing gigs recently, I read many posts about relationships, man-hating, spite, revenge, and oodles of advice on how to survive a break-up; including but not limited to, climbing into a stranger’s bed as soon as humanly possible. “Oh, Janet, just pick up some random guy and have sex. That’ll snap you out of it.”
This is by far, the best way to get over your ex. Everyone who’s anyone says so. Some of these publications read like the Teen Beat version of life.
Simply because one hasn’t detached, or doesn’t want to rip out one’s ex’s spleen, nor forgive and forget, why is this perceived by outsiders as being weak?
The more I read, the more inadequate and ‘wrong’ my feelings seemed. Pack up your toys and go home. Don’t look back. You can’t read the next chapter if you’re still reading the previous one. It wasn’t meant to be. Get over it. There were reasons. And on and on and on.
It’s hard enough to keep up with all of the social media, technology, and which Kardashian is doing what to whom (and what they’re wearing doing it) but now I also have to make sure that I know the, 5 Things You Shouldn’t Ever, No Never Do After a Break Up, and 6 Things You Must Do To Get The Rat Bastard Out of Your Life.
Shit, how would we possibly know how to live if it weren’t for these articles?
Answer: They call her Oprah. Hallowed be thy name.